Adapted from
Love and Presents
Posted by Robert Needlman, M.D.

"Here in the world's richest country, we often confuse material things for love. "I give him everything," a frustrated mother complains, "New shoes, videogames, his own TV. You'd think he'd at least show me respect!"

Of course, love and consumer goods are related. Most parents work hard to earn money. They want their children to have more than they did. They sacrifice so that their children can have better lives.

The problem is, most children don't connect the things parents buy with the labor that pays for them. Children have more, but our culture -- and television in particular -- teaches them that more is never enough. Having more does not guarantee that a child feels loved.

From a parent's point of view, this all may seem like plain ingratitude. But normal developmental forces are at work. Young children see their parents as all-powerful. If parents fail to provide what they want, it must be a matter of choice. It's normal for children, even well into school-age, to not be able to take another person's point of view. For example, they may resent their parent for working long hours, and not realize that the parent would also rather have more time at home.

As hard as these issues are all year round, they're even harder during the holidays. For many children, Christmas is all about the presents. Even in devout families, it's easy for the religious meaning to be lost amid the tinsel and wrapping paper. At the same time, the holidays heighten needs for connection and belonging which cannot be filled by more and bigger presents.

Instead, we have to find other ways to express love and create memories. Reading or telling stories together, making music, playing games, are all ways for families to spend time without spending money. Traditions like midnight services, caroling, favorite poems, even snowball fights, all serve the same purpose. Most important, as parents, we have to learn to hold back some energy from our exhausting jobs and all-consuming careers. When we're present for our children we ourselves become the presents we want to give. "


My comments:
Yes, it is indeed true of what Robert Needlman said. To show your love, it does not have to be with materialism. Love and affection, is much more valueble than any other things in the world. I would someday hope to raise my children, to learn the meaning of giving out more, rather than hoping to take more, but of course, to start that teaching... I would have to practise that first and set as a role example.

0 comments: