Joke Number One:
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home remembers that he hasn't yet bought his daughter a Christmas present. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:

Work-Out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers, "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends."

Joke Number Two:
A group of men are sitting in a sauna discussing business and stocks when suddenly a cellular phone rings.

"Hi honey, are you at the club?"

"Yes, dear."

"Honey you won't believe this but I'm standing in front of Giovanni's and there's a beautiful mink on sale in the window."

"How much is it, dear?"

"They're giving it away. Only $5,000. Can you believe it?"

"But you already have fur coats?"

"Please dear it's absolutely exquisite!"

"Fine, fine go ahead and buy it!"

"Thank you sweetheart. Oh, not to keep you much longer, but I passed by the Mercedes dealership this morning and saw their new convertible. It was to die for! I talked to the salesman and the one in the showroom is brand new, leather seats, power everything, gold coloured. What do you think?"

"Honey, come on, we already have cars!"

"You promised me that I could get a convertible!"

"How much is it?"

"You won't believe it but he said he'd let us have it for $85,000 fully loaded with all the options!"

"Okay, okay, go ahead and purchase it!"

"I love you, you're the best husband a wife could ask for. I hope I'm not pushing it, but remember our trip we took to Paris? Remember the Brown's place with the swimming pool, tennis courts? It's on the market to be sold. I saw it this morning at the Real Estate agency. If we bought it we would have a perfect place to stay during the cold winter months!!!"

"I had actually thought about it. You say it's on the market?"

"Really, you were actually thinking about it? Can I go make an offer on it? You know it's not listed very high, and it would be perfect for our type of lifestyle!!"

"How much is it listed at?"

"Only $425,000 sweetheart. It's a steal!"

"I guess we've got money put away. Go ahead and make an offer but no more than $415,000."

"This is turning out to be a great day! Can't wait to see you later tonight to celebrate!!!"

"See you tonight dear."

The man hangs up the cellular phone and asks, "So, who's phone is this?"


Joke Number Three:
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off.

The entrance opens, and two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says,

"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."


*jokes adapted from the internet

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11 comments:

Jason Phoon said...

see , the first 2 jokes show that women are materalistic .. :P

and the third one .. omg , I love dark humor ..

zewt said...

on a totally unrelated manner... the yellow background means wat ah? hahahaha....

Cazzy said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH!!! All 3 funny jokes. You memang got a lot of time to search all these nonsense on the net hor? :D

X said...

We want doggie post! We want doggie post! We want doggie post!


We= Me and Woa Woa.


Wukakakakkaa


Have a great weekend. :P

Nux V said...

hahaha (rollin' on the floor, laughing)...well, i read one of the jokes before, but it stil works on me ;-)

Princess Eileen said...

Haha, I like joke no 2 and I wish I was the gal on the phone. Keke...

Russ said...

Divorced Barbie comes with a lot of accossories, including Ken's friend! Niamah!!

hahaha.. the last joke was also funny.. hey, how come I seem to only visit ur blog on weekends and first thing I read is jokes?? Well, i'll make an effort this week (monday now already) to read at least on 2 weekdays! Need to spend more time at home on the internet.. :)

Huei said...

hahahahhaha i like joke #2!!!!

Calvin's Wife said...

Jason Phoon:
Hahahaha Kuciau...

Zewt:
Cheh, you still want to ask meh? *slap slap*

Cazzy:
Heh.... a few minutes lor.. else its copied from my email geh.. most of the time lor... :D

X:
Chill..... comming!

Nux V:
;) Glad it made you laugh hahaha...

Princess Eileen:
Oh yeahh. but she's really gonna kena kau kau from her hubby... wahahaha

Russ:
Erm, cause you're always busy mar on weekdays... :D

Huei:
Hehehe yeah... damn stoopid, ut kinda made sense eh? :D

Simple American said...

OMG! That's my phone. *looks at pile of bills*

Joke #3 reminds me of my flight to Columbus. We waited two hours for pilots. At least they could see. :P

Calvin's Wife said...

Simple American:
LOL, oh no, your wife's gonna get spanking then..LOL